Hide and seek...

As she stepped outside looking stealthily this way and that, she realised she had never really done this before. As much as she loved airports, she never thought she would be exploring every nook and cranny of one in a strange land far away in a third world nation. This was a trip under wraps, a few days of each other in a strange land- that was the plan. They both had reasons for not telling various people and this meant making sure they were not seen. But life has its own way of shaking up the box. Someone they knew, a common acquaintance was arriving the same day at that same airport, and was on the same flight with him.

As she stepped out of the airport, looking for a safe spot to wait out for him, she found herself suddenly excited. It was the excitement of being somewhat of a celebrity( who was trying to hide from the mob) for those few minutes as she wrapped a scarf around her head and dawned her sun glasses on that cloudy day. She caught herself chuckling even as she realised how much fun this was.

As she waited there that day, memories came flooding back of all those times they had snuck around like teenagers, worrying someone would see them somewhere. Although there does come an odd feeling of security in being ambiguous to the rest of the world. As he finally came out that day, and found her after looking past her twice, they laughed about the hiding and the running away. Simple, straightforward meeting at an airport, now a fond memory and something that will make her smile everytime she thinks of that day.

The third date...

It was her third date with him. She had been seeing his father for six months now and two weeks ago she met him for the very first time. Timid, yet trying to be brave, loving yet trying to be cold, this little boy barely spoke to her on the first date, he was almost avoiding eye contact like a shy teenager. He would look at her whenever she looked at his dad, somewhere in his mind trying to compare this to the way his mom looked at his dad.
It had been two years since his mom died, and although he didn't remember much about her, he did remember that she was what his dad loved most in the world. But now it was her. Whenever his dad looked at her they would lock eyes for minutes on end and it was as if he could see nothing else when she was around. She somehow brought out the same love in his dad's eyes, the kind that mom did. But she was new and what worried him most was that his dad might love her more than him and they might forget all about him in the pursuit of a new life.
And so she arrived, at the coffee shop just when he was intently playing a game on his dad's new ipad 2. A minute later she and his dad were trying to share a quiet moment right behind his back as he poured over the ipad. Although they were being discrete, he knew exactly what was going on, he was seven, not stupid. Father and son rarely went out without her these days or so it seemed to him, more often than not lately. He expected her to start talking to his dad now and then dad would forget all about him. But she spoke to him instead. Or at least she tried to. His dad then offered the game to her and she started to play. You could tell it wasn't even an educated attempt, she surely had no idea of what she was doing. She looked at his dad for a little help, when he surprisingly stepped up and started to deliver instructions on how to play. Suddenly there was a conversation. Within minutes they were laughing together about how studpid she was and how horribly she played the first round.
It was their third date, he took a little longer to melt than his father did. But she had hope now. She could tell that this was going to become a very interesting revelation, a different kind of relationship, something she was not ready for at all, but was looking forward to immensely.

Hiding...

It was nearly six pm now, she had looked at her watch four times in the last ten minutes, knowing that she had to leave on the dot. She was meeting him at six twenty at a place not very far from here. It was the usual place, the safe place, the familiar dark place, the familiar happy place. They usually met at this quiet little bar down the corner, halfway from both their offices. It was a safe place, since no one she knew ever really went there. The only familiar face was the owner of the bar, he knew them well and could tell they came there to hide. How strange these past two years had been, the lying, the sneaking around and the tense moments when she thought she had been discovered. But in these two years there was also the excitement, the intrigue and the passion that he brought to her life. She waited every month for the last week, which was when he would visit and she would lose herself. This man was drawn to her and became even more interested when he found out she was not available. He was everything that she longed for, everything that she no longer had with her partner. The only thing she shared with her partner was the roof they lived under, he was away every three or four days on business trips and even if he was in town, he would invariably be working late. She was longing to fill that void of desperate loneliness and unfulfillment that characterised her marriage for the past three years.

Five years ago, his career took a turn for the better, and he allowed work to engulf his entire life. Working late was the norm and he usually preferred to miss the odd social obligation and usually cancelled on plans with her at the last minute. Something always came up at work and it was her, he knew she would understand. It wasn't until the day he stumbled upon an email she had written, that he realised how far she had actually drifted. It was the most wonderful letter, filled with love, anticipation and passion - but it wasn't addressed to him. Life was not waiting for him like he thought it would. He thought about confronting her on many occasions and it was now six months since the day of that letter. On the last week of every month he knew she would be working late, sometimes even until the wee hours. While he always pretended to be asleep when she returned, he never really got much sleep at all during those weeks. Asking her though, meant having to hear her say it and he feared nothing more than hearing it from her. But how long would he keep the silence?

And how long would she play this game?

Wake up, my darling...

It was nearly 4 pm, he was writing the final words on a report and aiming to leave work early. Just about a week ago, he would have been excited about the prospect of going home early, but not on this day. Normally they would both plan to be back early so they could cook dinner together or just cozy up on the couch and do everything but talk. Today it was different. A week ago on this day, he realised she had lied to him. It was because she cared, she said, because she didn't want to see him upset. For him though, it was just all about the lie. How was he going to get past this, if at all...

Ever since that day, he made sure that he did not really run into her at home, coming home late and leaving early, even before she rose. But how long could it go on like this. She was crushed by his indifference and this was weighing heavily on her. She was disoriented at work and people kept pointing out how she seemed totally out of sorts. As she left the house that morning, she was walking down the road to hail a cab when she turned to cross the road without looking back. Her disorientation turned to unconsciousness in a flash. Ten minutes later she was on her way to a hospital with a shop owner who saw this happen. He managed to call her office and some of her collegues rushed to the hospital immediately.

It was nearly four pm, when one of her collegues managed to reach him. Going home early was no longer an option, he rushed down to the hospital feeling completely shaken. Remorse, guilt, anxiety and panic, all took over at the same time. She was expected to remain unconscious for the next three days, doctors were not very hopeful. As he sat there, in hope, waiting and pleading quietly, he realised how much he wanted to hear her laugh again. He remembered the first time they were out on a date. He loved the way she laughed, carefree and totally spontaneous and over the years it was this quality that he fell in love with. What he would give, to have her laugh again. After nearly 8 hours of waiting, the doctors cam around to say that her pulse was improving and that she may come around within the next twenty four hours. One more day of anticipation and patience...one more day...

Silent company...

There she was again, watching the boats go by as she sat by the river that cold winter morning. She made a promise to herself three years ago when she left, that she would come back as soon as she could. She promised to watch the boats again and sit by the river as she used to. She kept her promise. It was like a home coming in some ways, to this place that had been her home for two long years. Far away from her home country, but more familiar than any other place she'd seen in the last five years.

Just as she threw a few crumbs of her Snickers bar to the pigeons near by, he sat down beside her on the same bench. She was about to frown at him for invading her space, when there were many other benches he could have sat on. She looked at him for a bit and then away and then back at him again.He seemed to not notice her at all. Staring away at the bridge in the distance, he sat there, still, just staring. she tried to engage the birds more actively in an effort to break his peace and make him realize that he was bothering her by being around. Wasted effort this was as he did not even flinch or acknowledge that there was another human being beside him.

She was trying to forget the last two years and focus on the fact that she was back here, in this place that she so loved. Pride always got the better of her and she refused to be the one who got up from the bench and continued to sit there, while mentally complaining about this stranger who was sharing her space. After what seemed like forty five minutes, he asked if she came here often. Surprised by the sudden ackknowlegement of her presence and annoyed by the liberty he was taking to talk to her, she politely explained that she was just visiting the country. Hearing her but not really listening, he began to tell her how life had changed for him that day.

Just that morning he had returned from one of his business trips, a couple of days earlier than he had planned to. Intending to surprise his wife in an effort to bring back romance into their existence, he was welcomed by the sight of her with another man on their bed. This more than explained why they hadn't been connecting for a while now and why she just seemed less interested in him, but that it had been going on for over a year came as a complete shock to him. At this point he just stopped talking.

She tried to ask him some questions, which he didn't reply to. She tried to offer some words of comfort which he did not acknowledge. So she sat there, still, and continued to feed the pigeons. She began to realise that he needed her space, he needed to not be alone. Although he didn't want to talk, he needed her there. So she sat there, until he eventually got up and walked away. She called out goodbye as he went away, but he just kept walking. She decided however to come back here the next day, just incase he came back too and needed to talk or just be heard or just be provided some silent company.

One morning in February...

They woke up one morning, his arms around her with her head tucked right below his. Gentle smiles on their faces and their eyes still closed as they snuggled even closer to each other. Not so long ago, they were telling each other how best they could get their girlfriend or boyfriend to give in and commit. And yet here they were now, not needing anyone else except each other.

She rose first, as she did on most days, went ahead to freshen herself, after which she headed straight to the kitchen for some coffee. As she made her way around the counter, she found that she was so comfortable in his shirt, it smelled like him and all she needed was that one piece of clothing since it covered her right up to her knees.

Everything was right where it was, for a guy he was pretty organised around the kitchen. There was some wholewheat bread on the counter and butter scotch flavoured cereal. Wanting to devour all, she settled for one slice of bread to go with the coffee and perched herself on the window sil with her legs pressed up against the glass. The rain had been at work all night and that left the morning pleasant, green and romantic, just the kind she liked waking up to. As she watched the metro go by in the distance far below, she remembered another time back in another country where she would be on the metro every day even before the sun rose. It seemed like a lifetime ago, every day rushing to get somewhere, so she could rush to do something, and she now had no idea why it was such a rush back then.

After what seemed like a half hour, she got off from her window seat. He had already managed to mobilize himself from the bed to the couch, although no other activity was accomplished in between. He usually needed a good fifteen minutes on the couch every morning before he could wake up for real. Although today, he was quite awake and had been looking at her for a while now. As she sat down beside him on the couch, they snuggled in the glory of togetherness some more. Many hugs and kisses later, it was time to go, they both had jobs that needed them.

While she was getting dressed and as she looked for the right earings that morning, she came across a pair she hadn't seen in a while. They were a gift from another guy she dated and although she got rid of most things he gave her, those earings were too pretty to give up. She put them on, thinking back to another time again, flashes of him coming back to her now and at some level, a little residual emotion was trying to surface. It's amazing how two tiny inanimate things can bring back so much. She could feel the familiar unsettling that characterised her time with that man. Almost immediately, the earings went back into the box. They were pretty, so they wont be thrown, but they were still too familiar to be worn again, ever.

Just another day?

She picked her usual spot with a full view of the tarmack. A glass of hot chocolate with a banana muffin, comfort food at seven in the morning before she boarded for a five hour flight. Today was one of those days when hot chocolate was needed, a masala chai or a latte would just not do it for her. And yes, it was a day for banana muffin and not a salad or a bagel. She was flying out after an oppressive week at work. As she sat there sipping on her cuppa choc, she remembered the first time they had had coffee together. It was at starbucks, he had quipped about how the cups were so large but were never more than half full. And she had condescendingly added, that it was as expected considering that it was infact starbucks. Today seemed different though, her glass was nearly full and her muffin extremely satisfying although her mind was weirdly unsettled. She had this feeling every now and then before something strange happened. She wondered what it was going to be this time around.

Page 69 and Friedman was detailing the strangeness of the Lebanese landscape, when suddenly she was jolted out of her middle eastern imagination by a hand from behind her that threw in a bookmark on her page. Startled and annoyed at the same time, she turned around and annoyance changed to absolute astonishment. Speechless for over a minute, she finally brought herself to ask him what in the world he was doing there, where he was going and where he had been. Too many questions, she did not know where to begin. He smiled at her like he always did, re-assuringly, and went around to sit beside her. They spent the next five minutes in silence, not knowing what to say or how to say it.

Five years, an affair, a sea change in career and many cigarette packs later, he had seen her again. Life had not changed much for her, except that he hadn't been in it and work had taken up so much of her time, she just could not do without it now. They had fought over the same issues too many times, compatability was all too often a bone of contention for them. But was it the fighting that ended it,she had always wondered. He knew why he had done what he did. He had to leave her then, had to take that job in Barcelona, it was everything he had wanted then. Ambition can sometimes take over so entirely, that there is no room left for tenderness and love. But she represented something that he had not seen or felt in years now, a sense of belonging. Sitting there with her brought back all those warm feelings of a perfect life.

She was recalling all the rehearsals she went through for this very day. There was so much she had planned to say to him, she had to give hima piece of her mind, but sitting there across from him, she could not bring herself to speak. Should she have said that he had no right to just walk out on her? Should she have told him how she had completely lost respect for him? Should she have just got up and walked away or should she actually consider putting it all behind her and being kind again. Knowing she had about fifteen minutes to finish this or start it before she boarded, she took another sip of the chocolate...what should she do?